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Ain't Nobody Hatin': Get your Game Tight

Sometimes, the motivation just isn't there and you're forced into the fire to progress, anyway. Whether you come out smelling like smoke or not is on you. But everyone isn't hating. Self-reflection is one of the most valuable lessons we'll ever learn. I had to quit playing and use everything I knew to sink or swim.

As I say hello to 2024, I also say goodbye to my twenty-somethings, goodbye to my ruthless decisions, goodbye to lil' Ms. Perfect, people-pleaser, goodbye to oversharing, unpreparedness, overthinking, and the need to control the things around me.

Everyone isn't hating on me who doesn't want to work with me or call me back. What's cool to me could be lame to you, while what's dope to you could be wack as hell to me. So, Yeah...

I've always been unique but still asked the opinions of others, too much. But no more of that!

Everyone isn't hating on me, or you, who passed on the opportunity to collaborate. Honestly, I had to work toward getting my shyt together. My financial literacy was all phucked up. I was super irresponsible with money. My work ethic was a mess. Procrastination was a major character trait. I just knew I was the juice and the squeeze, yet my determination was off. I was afraid to fail so I hardly tried, even though I knew I had talent and swag. I had excuses for days!

Not to get it twisted, despite me having a chaotic decade in my twenties, I did and still do have naysayers but it certainly isn't everybody. I've made a ton of mistakes and learned a thousand lessons over the last ten years and I'm thankful for every one of them. I can say I was an actual mess.

Amid the chaos, though, I also have a pretty solid highlight reel. Ha. I made the dean's list at my school, finished my real estate courses, started studying French, completed a 3-day fast, and even found myself a lot more. Outside of the craziness, I wasn't giving myself enough credit. I wasn't making God a part of my plans. It seemed like people were making things hard for me on purpose. It took recognizing my greatness to realize that everyone isn't hating. Time will always prove who's working.

Hella bad wishes were sent my way over this decade that also contributed to throwing off my inner g. But in this chapter of my story, I'm returning all the black magic and bad vibes to their senders and using self-reflection and knowledge to make myself a vital person. Don't believe me? Just watch. I'm turning my dirty thirties all the way up!

As I reflect on the woman I am becoming, I pay attention to my thoughts and feelings about those in my circle. I'm more understanding and less judgemental. I've even noticed some of my ways that weren't flattering and offputting and I'm using my observations to make a big change.

From my twenties, I will forever cherish someone special saying to me, "For every one thing you don't like about someone, there's probably three things they don't like about you."

My best friend told me that two years ago and it changed my perspective on life.

My biggest vice of the last decade was not having as solid of a relationship with God as I could have. I have always been a believer but I haven't always walked in virtue and I would beat myself up over it. Yet, instead of going to God with my whole soul, I felt I had to show up perfectly alone. Every duck had to be in a row. I had to see the vision or the consequence before bowing down. But God can't use a perfect vessel, even if I had been without flaws. Who can relate to perfection? Not me. Once I started including God along my journey I could truly embrace myself from the inside out. I learned to love the kinks and the quirks because I'm so far from perfect it's not even funny. Now, I embrace my mistakes with a grateful heart. They mean I am growing.

I see that the girlies and guys with the deals and the success are those who shine their lights and showcase their talents consistently. My ideas weren't hitting like they could have because I was stagnant in my self-love. There was no consistency in my content because there was no consistency in my life. I wasn't fulfilling my purpose so I kept circling the block of hell. I finally bowed my head and confessed with my mouth that I would live on purpose if God would help me with my finances, help me with my healing journey, help me pay attention to the girl in the mirror, and keep me safe. I told God, I was ready. But even after that prayer, I was still lagging around.

I realized my reality had little to do with my intentions and everything to do with my actions. I needed to strengthen my mind and take accountability for who I was before I could be successful or consistent with my blog. I didn't have anything worth sharing if I wasn't dedicating my time to listening to God's instructions. With more obedience came the more authentic content. God's words needed to flow through my fingertips because everything I touched would crumble when I wrote articles, took gigs and made decisions without him. Whatever the reward is must be beautiful because the trials and tribulations have been gruesome- with self-sabotage and ignorance somewhere on the list.

Everybody isn't hating, I had to get my relationship right with God. I was too far away from God to see it. But I know that now.

Things get out of control when you aren't in alignment. I could feel my spiritual demise. You forget the mission. You forget who you are. Although you can always find your way back, those are the side effects of distraction and disobedience. I was so distracted, it felt like my back was against the wall and all of my choices and responsibilities were staring at me, ready to make me see it all through. Once I spent time with my spirit, I saw spiritual warfare differently. The power of God's protection is not a game. Praying before making decisions has kept my path divine, lately.

Another vice that kept me from moving forward was talking too much. Naturally, overspeaking makes you predictable, making you appear weak, especially if you tell others all your weaknesses. This doesn't include sharing parts of your life with your community. I'm saying that there is power in privacy, revealing only what is necessary. There is no need to read the fine print to others. If you scan a room for powerful people, you will likely find them observing, and speaking just enough.

When the mouth stumbles, it's worse than the foot. E-40

I was telling everyone all my plans like a beeeeeep. Letting people know too much cost me personal and business relationships. The more personal issues I exposed, the less interesting I seemed. The less appealing I was. It sounded like a headache hearing all the misfortunes going on in my life. Think about it, if you always have an excuse or something unfortunate is going on with you while people are striving to reach their goals, you become a liability, mentally and professionally.

I understand the value of mystery and mysterious characters, now. Illusion, as well as reality, can be grown into. Making changes to your communication is seriously a game-changer. If I wanted to be sought-after, respected, trusted to do the job, invited, and suggested, I had to play that part in my reliability. There are no gray areas in success. The more excuses I made, the more complaints I had, the more predictable I was. This was said for "good" and "bad" entities. It's much easier to be myself in any setting, there is no such thing as "too" this or too that when it comes to my existence. To achieve this, I needed to speak less and listen way more. And that's what I started doing.

Either you is, or you ain't. Either I was, or I wasn't. Everybody wasn't hating on me, they just had too much information, too many drops on me. I made myself an easy target.

Oooh! I will never ignore my spirit like I used to again. I told myself no so much when acting on my bright ideas. I'd be like, 'Oh, I'll get to that tomorrow. I'll write that blog article by next month's newsletter release date. I'll just order something for dinner and cook tomorrow.' But I'd never put scrolling social media off for another time or day. My priorities were phucked up and distractions were through the roof. I was just coasting, And even though I've always known my value, taking the necessary steps to succeed in a time when everything is moving so quickly was overwhelming.

This is where setting boundaries had to come in. Everything had to go and it was so hard to leave it behind, but I had no personal or professional boundaries. Sheesh! Even gangsters have personal boundaries they don't play about. I had to start standing on business!

Poor habits had to go. I was playing with myself. The amount of bullshxt I accepted in all areas of my life weighed me down tremendously.

My personal life was in shambles. Lack of self-care and me-time negatively affected my feminity. Growing into my femininity took finding my archetype without shapeshifting. Bossing up my feminity took being firm in who I am, anywhere, around anyone. Confidence in areas I was showing subconscious insecurity took spending a lot of alone time- no music, no media, no phone calls, no text messages, just me.

There was a time when I'd ask a lot of advice. I needed to tell my besties every situation I went through for some sort of validation... Like, the need to know if I was tripping or not. And it was stunting my growth.

Don't get me wrong, my girls still get the tea while it's hot but not in the same way. Now, I simply share what I want to share and am open to girl talk on the topic with women I trust. This way is healthier. For one, my friends aren't getting my emotional baggage to bear as much, and the conversations are more fun when heavy emotions aren't at the forefront of each interaction.

Everyone isn't hating who doesn't feel like hearing my drama this week. Whew! That one ate me up my entire 20s. Emotional trauma is really sad because reassurance and friendship are needed throughout the healing process, however, not everyone

can afford therapy or is comfortable going, and not everyone has friends. Some people don't even understand what friendship is in general. Others have friends but not everyone has the emotional capacity for someone else's healing journey.

Then, theres me... who had to learn that emotional dumping is really annoying, and although my friends tolerated so much and even supported me... I had to get my shit together on my own.

As you know, I used to overshare all the time. Well, as things started shifting around me I was forced to look in the mirror and see the ugly features right along with the gorgeous ones. I was always "losing" friends, or they were losing me. I took a lot of L's feeling entitled to emotional compensation from those close to me, and it's unfortunate because it was ignorance... by accident. I couldn't see it then but I changed the tempo and grew past those types of traits.

And on my 30th birthday (last Friday) I finally saw the fruits of that labor. The labor of mature communication. My truest friends showed up for me. When I looked around my living room, I saw my friends for who they all are. Just last year, I was complaining and about not having a cute group chat or a solid tribe for girls' trips. But, the gag is they were here.. all along! The soft girls? The classy girls? The talented girls? The girls who aren't making everything about men? Yeah, they're in my circle! Everyone wasn't hating, I was just friends with people who genuinely didn't phuck with me.

So, I phucked with myself harder... now look!

Guess what, ya'll? I gotta tribe, tribe! My friend group finally aligns with my higher self. I grew into gratitude, which automatically weeded out the snakes in my grass.

Oh yeah! My financial situation is in a new place after learning more financial literacy. 

I've asked and needed help before but at this time, I desire to purchase a home and grow my business and blah blah blah. So until I do that, I don't have extra funds to share. My cup is still empty... overall. That's all I have to say about this. lol But, just know... in my dirty 30s, I'm elevating all areas, especially the ching-ching.

I'm on my game when it comes to elevation this decade. I used to spend money like hell and wonder why I couldn't have the things I truly desire. I coined a new phrase for myself this decade. It's my personal note to self...

if I don't have it.. neither can you. Period.

And lastly, yet most important after God is motherhood. Closing out my twenties, motherhood looks better on me than ever before. I am more patient and poise than I've ever been and my son can certainly feel it. I can tell because his behavior is elevating and maturing and our bond is stronger than ever. I had to let go of the imagery I believed he should have based on my upbringing or what may be acceptable to others in society. A lot of the motherly lessons come from looking in the mirror and pareting myself, first. The journey is so rewarding.

And I only see me and my dawg getting closer and closer as the years go by. To be a boy mom is to be blessed. Sevyn pushes me out of my comfort zone every single day. It's a roller coaster and I have anxiety watching him be a kid but I'm learning to enjoy every bit of it.

Essentially, I was afraid of making mistakes; therefore, I couldn't succeed. Maaaan! Being afraid burnt so many bridges in my life. I was so afraid to show up and have my work criticized. I would accept work, finish it, and make up excuses as to why the work couldn't be delivered or submittd. Therefore, no one could make any commentary on my skillset. Now, a lot of times, (because of the fearful inner g around this) disastrous things did happen before I could submit some projects. But other times, it was like a dark cloud was over my turnover dates and deadlines. I couldn't even get started sometimes. It was like a block was on my entire body. If I'm being hoest, I still push through this sometimes, actually.

With all my self-reflection, my vices, and lessons learned, you can expect to see way more blogs being published here on Pyns. Poyms. Poshyns. So, when you read one you are drawn to don't be afraid to share it or holler at me. I'd like to rgow this community!

Do you know, when you hit a point in life where you have to floor it or get robbed? Well, I've hit that point and this is me flooring it! The pedal is to the medal. If you support Pyns. Poyms. Poshyns, these articles are for you just as much as they are for me. I've started, stopped, and started, and stopped publishing on this blog many times, but god won't let me leave it alone. There is something in my heart, some part of my story that he wants me to tell through my gift of writing and I am going to fulfill that purpose.

So thank you for reading + you can even follow me on ig @pynnderella


Shutup, Shabetti Bashazz.

aka Pynnderella

aka Spyn

aka Candy Paynt


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