Stop Diving in Dating Pools Looking for Lifeguards

I realized dating is about seeing what you want and do not want in relationships as you get to know someone. So, as I go on dates I focus my attention on my own energy.

As I sit beside or across from the quality men who ask for time to court me (men who do not court do not get access to me, anymore) I am usually thinking, 'How is my inner G? Are my expectations fair? Am I asking for things I cannot exude and provide? How do I treat myself? Am I capable and open to receiving love?

Of course, I am listening and engaged in the conversations going on throughout the dates; however, it is important to take a look at myself.

I been through hell and back but I refuse to continue going up in flames. I changed my signature scent from smoke to lover gal. I chose to live a different life by changing my mind and spirit.

I went on a self-healing, spiritual journey that increased my positive thinking, which in turn opened the door for me to allow rather than resist positive outcomes in life.

Because of the way I was loved and raised as a little girl I was jaded, guarded, and afraid of being hurt and left. I loved in harsh ways and because I never had solid stability, I was comfortable pushing people away to avoid vulnerability. It was just easier not to let people in.

Woman, or man, it is unfair to jump into the dating pool with floats, looking for lifeguards to come and save you. So, learning to swim was my focus before I continued diving in 17 foot deep ends with high demands and expectations. I was literally sinking my own experiences.

Now, I show up to pool parties with duality. I can look and feel secure in a bikini, laid out on a lounge chair, smelling good, drinking a cocktail. Or, I can steal the show and jump off of the diving board and rise to the top with ease, no anxiety or hyperventilating.

My experiences are mine. How I show up is how the vibe will always be.

Once I let go of my need for control, I was able to breathe freely and stay present. I was so stuck on making things go my way that it became tough to allow love in. I wanted men to be my way and perfectly fit the way I saw them in my life.

I realized this and hopped in the passenger seat to relax a bit. I expected men to have bells and whistles that I lacked. I expected men to be patient with me and my attitude problem, and be unconditionally loving. But everything about me was conditional. If I didn't like something you could bet on me bouncing without a trace, but not before a heated, one-way conversation.

I'm more fair and unproblematic now.

I had to learn to be less harsh with myself so I could be less harsh on others. I spent time loving myself and unlearning the negative thought processes I held in my subconscious from my upbringing. My mother was hard on me about every little thing an I developed a negative train of thoughts in response.

However, I took the time to learn gentleness and accept myself in full. I am worthy and I am deserving; therefore, love is all around me. Affirming and believeing this has leveled up my entire dating experience and love iss showing up in fulfillment now. I had to date me first!

And recently, very, a fiery, masculine specimen virtually appeared in my digital world, turning my physical space reality upside down. He came in gently, yet set my insides ablaze. Slowly, this specimen is burning the shrubbery and weeds in my garden. Like a wildfire… controlled experimentation, but not.

Okay, okay.. I’m back to Earth. I guess I’ll speak English. Him. The boy. The man. He came out of thin air and well… I’m trying to be normal. I know I just said all those things about growth but I run from his warmth almost every single day. I act immature when it’s time to express myself. Yet, everyday… he’s here.

So far. And, I know I’ll be really sad if I run one day and he really lets me go. Yet, running is still more comfortable than sharing my emotions in real time.

Sooooo…. Yes, I’ve been focusing on ways to keep us off these rollercoasters.

For example,