Pyns. Poyms. Poshyns. is my femininity + beauty blog, with a mix of boymom + luxury lifestyle. I created it to keep me inspired as I document my spiritual and feminine journey while growing my career. When I started my 'healing-to-happiness' journey I was so far away from God, and the opposite of abundant, and And although I have a lifetime of growing, I feel far enough along in my ascension to share the life lessons I've been blessed to learn from. And I pray my articles will inspire you to TURN UP and GET LYT on your journey, too! Be prepared to plant seeds, water yourself, shine like the sun, floss your pretty ass petals, and manifest your desires, because I'm writing about the full-proof level up.
I'm Aspyn Nykohl, a journalist and copywriter. Shabetti Bashazz, the poet. Mom, to my son 7. Spyn, to those who know me best. And Candy Paynt, when I'm lit! Y is my favorite letter and I love substituting it in words when I can, hence the spelling of my blog title. I'm not a writer with many spelling errors in my work. I'm an original creative, totally doing it on purpose!
I cover super cool events as a journalist and review products and use my curiosity to create content as a writer. My goal is to grow this blog as far as it can go, helping as many women as possible find their feminine power and get closer to God. I plan to have billboards, offices, properties, a successful publication, a foundation, and as much fun as possible along the way to building my empire. (See the 'About me page for my professional bio.)
As for my more personal life... A little person calls me mom and motherhood keeps me on my toes, for sure. I have the best son I could have ever asked for. I began single motherhood at the end of my pregnancy and endured HELL since. But I'm doing my thing! I've mended valuable friendships and become a better, more nurturing friend—shoutout to therapy for being such a reflective process. I was a huge mess. But overcoming trauma put me in my soft girl inner g. I'm healthier, feeling greater, my face is clearer, more organized, and no longer self-sabotaging. I'M DEFINITELY GIVING ROOFTOP INNER G. So, most of my articles will reflect the methods of growth I found most rewarding and effective.
At first, I had no idea how to share my crazy-ass story without being too transparent. Letting people in is a toss-up for me. But I couldn't shake this assignment. God consistently showed me signs and took me through the same cycles over and over until it clicked! "Start the Blog and be Consistent" constantly replayed in my head. So I surrendered. I got specific with my goals, planned my days out to a T so idle time and distractions didn't have much room to creep in, dedicated myself to changing parts of me that served me no good, boosted my confidence, started showing up as my best self, trying my best to stay present, keeping faith over fear, and GETTING TO WORK!
I wasn't always in a happy place. Just a short time ago, I wasn't showing up for myself much at all. I was outside doing me-- avoiding issues, dating a "certain type", and having fun like a wild gal. HA! (We'll get into it in the articles to come).
My inner child trauma had not been acknowledged, I laid in bed all day, isolated, shelved my own ideas, flat-out quit, and hardly ever gave myself grace. I judged others hard, too. Everything needed to be perfect-- Just like this, or just like that, no in-between. I was stuck in a horrible cycle where I repelled good happenings in my life with bad thoughts and it was costing me my happiness. Expressing myself wholeheartedly seems easy but I have trouble saying to others "it hurt when you.." and that has been a huge communication factor in my life. My usual pattern was leaving. Vulnerability with others requires trusting in yourself first. If something seemed emotionally draining or "too serious", I was OUT. But God gave me the assignment to stop running and let him stand as my defense.
Overthinking threw me out of many opportunities that could've taken me further. From romance to career success, I was singlehandedly annihilating everything going well for me, one after the other. It was my attitude and limiting beliefs I had to change. I'd meet a guy, judge the entire situation, makeup scenarios in my head, then ghost him. I would think about every possible obstacle I could face before accepting offers, making acceptance nearly impossible. My life was hard because I was making it hard. I was creating issues with my negative thoughts. My upbringing was so chaotic it that almost felt normal until I began to heal. Now there is no room for toxic living. Chaos is unacceptable and I understand how to set boundaries and take accountability 100x better.
Every day, I fall more in love with myself. I'm even seeing fewer flaws. Before I was off and on, but now I'm consistently feeding my spirit positivity with podcasts, affirmations, and books, and connecting with my tribe on a deeper level.
It took a while but I'm here! While I thought everything was falling apart, God knew I needed to bump my head a few more times and get my hands a little dirtier. Although I would go on a hiatus and come back with a lot of cool content, it simply wasn't enough. I wasn't disciplined. Nor was I truly happy. I was half-assing my gifts, my story, and my vision. No matter how great I wrote, it would never be prosperous because the inner g wasn't abundant. I prayed for God to make my purpose plain enough for me to understand and execute for a more fruitful life. And that's exactly what he did. Organizing the plan and allowing versus resisting was the turning point.
First, I had to acknowledge what spiritual DIS-EASE I had before I could heal and share the cure with those who can relate, AKA YOU.
Second, I began treatment.
Creating a list of pros and cons for myself was intense for two reasons; one, I had imposters syndrome, and two, admitting some habits was difficult. However, the list helped me see the traits that I exude. Like, instead of addressing hard things head-on, I create space. I also overthink on the worst level and expect others to understand it. So, releasing the need to be in control was my motto for 2022.
Third, I learned how to actually forgive. This changed the game!!!
I heard the phrase "forgive them or die angry, and miss your blessings along the way" and it spoke to me. For instance, I was angry with my mother for what I experienced in her care and that changed the beat of my heart.
STORYTIME! The first two years of parenting were pretty rigid for me but I was determined to get things together. I moved back home with my father at the end of my pregnancy. When my son was 7 months, we stayed with my godbrother for half a year, got an apartment with a roommate for the second half of that year, lived on the water in Long Beach, and lived with my godmother for a few months, before moving into the home we've been in for 3 years now. Although we have maintained stability, I understand the difficulty of being rooted and staying grounded.
Growing up in an unrooted and unstable environment prematurely exposed me to things of adulthood. We were homeless and lived in the car a few times-- I washed up in Walmart restrooms, slept in parking lots, and was pretty much verbally and physically abused as a result of unresolved anger in my mother's heart. Now, not every single part of my childhood was awful (and I will share lots more of my life through different articles when I feel it). When my mother got things together she always made sure our home was super nice, and, no matter what, things were super clean. From the outside looking in you wouldn't have been able to guess our situation.
Nonetheless, the negative influence did make a huge impact on the way I approached womanhood. My attitude very much gave 'rebellious teen'. On top of experiencing struggles at home, I felt pretty alone. We moved around a lot, so I had all sorts of friends from different groups. I'm actually still friends with some of my girls TIL THIS DAY! Yet, I knew that as a parent the last thing I wanted was to bounce my family around. Stability is important and God showed me what that looks like, as a mother, pretty early on. Forgiving my mother, in my heart was harder to do than in my head. But I believe she tried her best in those moments, though.
Now, I'm at the 'Allowing and Accepting' chapter in my book.
Worrying created struggle and struggling created more worry. Finding solutions became more complicated than it needed to be. Controlling everything was my personality. Now, I just envision and let go.
The world is responding to me, not happening to me. Letting life respond to my inner g and vibration is waaaay less stressful. The hard work is done inside. And that is what my articles will reflect since that is where I am in life.
I hope to create a community of love and faithfulness. And I hope to do it having hella fun doing it!!
Be on your A game.
Leave if you're lame.
And don't stay to hate.
See ya everyday Sunday + Thursday with New Articles.
And look out for my Newsletter Every 1st Sunday, starting Jan 2023!
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Shutup, Shabetti Bashazz